1. Lost / Found Myself

Today I saw myself caught in a feeling. A feeling of something want to come out of me. A feeling that I've dug deep down my heart and trying to avoid for long. Today I felt same again. All of a sudden, I found myself on a time machine, riding through all the moments with her which I've always cherished. She was talking about something and I dont know when I lost the plot in between as that thing hardly matters. I've always liked the way her eyes dances when she laugh or when she talks. I just lost in her eyes and I was spellbound by her aura. I was helpless.

Few seconds after, my time machine brought me back to the present and I can only heard her say, " I must leave for work as I am getting late". She just caught me pretending, that I'm hearing what she is telling me. I was still in time-lag, so I faintly agreed to her. But the truth was I really dont want her to leave me at that moment. I just wanted to hear more of her, wanted to lost in her eyes again as it feels good to have same feeling, the feeling that was always with me, every time, every moment. I wanted to tell her," I like you... I still got feelings for you". All I want to tell that if she thinks its not getting stronger every day then I'm sure its not diminishing either.

All my readers might be wondering what I meant by this. Then please be patient, as I am here to share my story. May be no one will read this in future... but I dont care... I dont care as I am not here for being famous and I am not going to tell any direct references that will hurt my loved ones. I am here because I am really missing someone... someone, whom I consider as my best friend. She might not be the one whom I know for years or had something in common, but felt most comfortable around. I wanted to share all of this with her as I've shared so many things in the past and even know that she got the best solution for me but, I can't... I can't.

At this moment, so many questions were crossing your mind. All I can tell is sometimes we think that we can control ourselves and starts overlooking our own feelings that were so close to us. I have done the same mistake. I thought I'm different, I'll bear all the pain that will come across. But its not an easy task. Sometimes you can loose your patience, can't hold your heart and may go in wrong direction, ending up on the wrong side where you never wanna land up. I have strong feelings for her and already shared my feelings with her though not convincingly. But I knows already what would be her reply. I have held my feelings long without discussing it properly with anyone else. So this is an attempt by me to let my emotions out of my heart.

Now, when driven by emotions and an attempt to heal myself without hurting her, I get down to prepare an account of last one year, I cannot help but wonder about our feelings that we can't escape easily. They took all of our energy, peace of mind and just everything. While writing all this I am feeling better and knows only one thing that my feelings are back. This time even stronger. May be the more you dug deep your feelings, they came back with a more force. I dont know where I would go from here but if you have to go down your memory lane searching for all the moments that you really love, its a best thing you can do at this moment. I can only hope that my feeling deserves respect from all you people out there whom I don't know.